Rowan Matthew Watts

This is our little dude. Born April 17th, 2015. I can't believe people are born in 2015. Like "Hey, man, nice to meet you, what year were you born?", "Back in 2015." Huh?! Trippy. 

Rowan flew right out of Natalie (she might describe it differently) and has been making us beam ever since... well apart from those 6 colicky weeks of no sleep and constant crying... but even those were fun... the kind of crazy fun you look back on and you're glad it's over, but it was all part of the BIG HUGE THING that that's happening... And the "thing" is an actual person... a real-life co-created human being complete with a soul and a whole personality and a future of inconceivable experiences ahead (he'll be 21 in 2036! Wuh?). What a time to be alive and growing up. Will he fly to high school using his iJetpack by Apple? Or just chill at home with his virtual teacher hologram? Will he wirelessly download his entire education into his brain wirelessly in 2023? Will he wanna be an artist? An athlete? A gardener? A superhero? A good friend? The World's Best (or worst) Origami Folder? Will he work at Burger Parlor and give me free french fries!? I just hope he's a good guy, who feels free to follow his heart and who loves Jesus:) Natalie and I can't wait to find out where his uniqueness takes him... and to guide and nurture that.

Okay, so to continue the "We're so in love with our perfect little child!" cliche's (they became cliche's because they're true!)... Seriously though, seems we couldn't love of him more if we tried... then the next day comes and guess what? More love. It's fascinating to notice how I've grown to love him versus how Natalie does... those different and beautifully different ways a mom and a dad go about their instinctual momness and dadness. Watching our "baby" go from a tiny, blurry, bird-alien-looking fetus-thing-on-a-screen, to becoming the cause of a balloon stomach that defies physics and causes back aches and indigestion, to halting everything as we rush to Saddleback Hospital like a scene in a movie where he then emerges 8 hours later from a part of Natalie I couldn't imagine could have yet another amazing ability... to him being out in the open air (officially parents, from one moment to the next), to then suddenly watching our pediatrician do his number on Rowan's jimmy while I held his little hand (all went well thank God!)... to him becoming our little Buckaroo (his first nickname) with all the new levels of awareness that emerge is... fascinating (how's that for a run-on-sentence!). And Natalie was brave and beautiful through the whole thing. So epic. I held her head and one leg throughout the whole thing and clipped the umbilical cord classic dad style. What a morning. Natalie did the real work and she just friggin rocked it! Our doula, Lauren, was such a great help along the way and the staff there was super cool. Oh, and I must say it definitely puffed up my caveman-brain-ego when the hospital's nursing specialist referred to Rowan as "Thor", saying he was the strongest baby she'd ever felt. ha! That's M'Boy!

At nearly 7 months old, watching his journey from helpless little baby with the flailing arms and legs, to giggling, jonny-jumper-little-ball-of-joyful-energy has been a blast. Seeing him smile on purpose... because he's happy.... not because something explosive happened in his diaper... is just super cool. And then, that one day when suddenly that pure little smile means something new... he's now really reacting... recognizing me or Natalie and getting excited in different, specific ways... You see him really getting something, in a new way, and it's like we get to "get it" right along with him. He's learning... synapses firing and connecting... His awareness of the world around him blooming. I can already see things about him that are uniquely him... this determined, athletic side... this look of "I'm doing THIS!" (jonny-jumper time is serious business!)... and then that gentle, sensitive, lighthearted side... he's always ready to flash you that big toothless smile and look away, like "yeah, I'm cute".... and then reach out for you or nuzzle his face into you. Natalie could swear he actually flirts with her friends! haha

This has all been a strangely familiar thing for me too. For the first time ever, to look at a baby and it's not just a baby... it's this weirdly awesome mirror. I look into his eyes and there's flashes of my own in there. Friggin' genetics... wow.... and then there's the level of comfort and acceptance and ease that comes with it... I've never quite felt comfortable holding a baby... the few that I've held (when I was forced to! haha).... but overnight, it was utterly natural.... and... Spit-Up? Fine. Slobber? No worries. Poop and pee? Fine too... His drool is the water of life... his cry is like a singing angel... and his poop smells like rose petals... and when he pees his diapers fill with liquid gold.... too far? Ha. 

Let's just say we're stoked he's here and man, I've never seen Natalie happier... ever. In fact, two weeks ago we took Rowan down to our cabin in Julian for the first time and it was amazing... the words actually came out of her mouth "I've never been this happy in my entire life". That's a cool thing to hear after all the ups and downs of getting to this point:) Because... anyone who knows us knows I dragged my feet for years about having a child (for too many reasons to share here!)... but, hey, now we're here, and it all feels so natural and right... and speaking of blooming... Natalie is just so in her element...!!... Super-Mom. She loves him and nurtures him in thousands of ways every single day and it's been incredible to witness. I'm so proud of her and it's made us closer, which is just one of countless legit-blessings.

And then there's my mom and dad!! A.k.a. Grammy and Grandpappy (or whatever Rowan ends up calling them)... The gentle nudges over the years turned into a legit yet subtle melancholy (like, are they ever gonna have a kid?!?!)... and now to see their grandparentness in all it's loving and supportive glory has also been so meaningful and peacefully deep for me... and for Natalie too. We're all closer... I appreciate them in those new ways you always hear about... and I know the meaning of the word family in new ways now. 

Has it been all happy-happy-joy-joy, idealistic and constant sunny skies? Nope. This isn't a "my life is so perfect" blog. the road here was barely a road... more like a barely visible trail over mountains and through deserts. There have been super hard nights, long days and emotionally trying moments... especially the first couple months... but honestly, at 39, I've had a lot of years to imagine possible scenarios, and for me, it's actually been totally cool. A walk in the park compared to what I had prepared myself for. Which surprised me. Big time. A few of you know, that I had my own psychological-metaphysical freakout when Rowan was in utero, almost exactly a year ago in fact (hardest time of my life, no question). Thankfully, I dealt with a ton of my own junk before Rowan arrived and since then, this whole "having a child" thing has been more like a cherry top of life than a wedge driven through it (yes, I sorta thought that could possibly be the case before!)... and this "cherry on top" turns the whole Dessert of Life upside down... it's clear he's not just the cherry on top, he's the frosting and the cake too. Gluten free of course.

:) Adam

Nov. 8th, 2015